Talk To Yourself More Than You Listen To Yourself

A Simple Yet Powerful Strategy For Success

Dr. James Gills completed a double triathlon six times when he was in his fifties.  

When asked how he did it, he said: “I’ve learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself.”

He continued, “If I listen to myself I hear all the reasons why I should give up. I hear that I’m too tired-too old-too weak to make it. But if I talk to myself I can give myself the encouragement and words I need to hear to keep running and finish the race.”

Managing Your Thoughts Involves Proactively Deciding What You’ll Say To Yourself

Dr. Gill’s practice is exactly what managing your mind looks like in your daily life.  

You’ve got the old, automatic thoughts that feel true and also are your default way of thinking because you’ve been practicing them for probably most of your life.  

Then you’ve got the thoughts of the part of you who knows that your success is inevitable and that you are capable of achieving what you want.  Maybe you’ve never practiced these thoughts or maybe you used to think them but have forgotten about them.  

Regardless, you can start today by choosing thoughts that will help you feel how you’d like to feel and then deliberately saying them to yourself more than you listen to the old default thoughts.  

This Is A Skill

Just as Dr. Gills said, this is a skill that can be learned.  

Most of us are not born thinking this way, and we’re certainly not taught to think this in school or anywhere else.  But just by reminding yourself on a daily basis of the thoughts that you want to think, you’ll begin to create new neural pathways and those new thoughts will become easier over time, just like every other skill you’ve ever learned.

Does it happen overnight? Of course not.

Is it worth the effort? Definitely. 

Will the old thoughts come up on a regular basis?  You can count on it.  

Can you learn to overcome them?  Indubitably. 

Try It Out

What do you want to tell yourself today?  

Write it down on post-it notes.  Put it on your phone as an hourly reminder throughout the day.  

Those daily repetitions, one after another, are what will lead you to what you really want.  

Have a beautiful week! 



Why Self-Care Is The Greatest Gift You Can Give To Others

Last week, I talked about self-care and the best way to practice lasting self-care in your life. But most of my clients really struggle with allowing their own health and wellbeing to be a top priority on a daily basis.

The clients who struggle with this the most are moms.  Women are socialized to take care of others and be selfless but this programming really kicks into overdrive when we become moms.  In addition to our societal programing, there is a very really mama bear instinct that kicks in when we give birth and we become solely focused on protecting our young.  

Caring for our children is a wonderful thing but allowing yourself to become depleted and exhausted while trying to be everything to everybody is not.  

When Was The Last Time You Did Something Just For You?

So many moms tell me that they don’t even remember what it was like to do something for themselves or to just do something they enjoy for the sake of doing it, that isn’t related to their children.  

Here’s the problem with this approach:  we can’t be the people we were born to be when we’re depleted.  A mother has so much more love to give to her children when she’s feeling happy and healthy.  Even if you can take care of your children’s basic needs when you’re running on fumes, it’s going to be really hard to genuinely enjoy that time with them and be the mom you really want to be.  

Build Up Your Reserves

I’m not sure about you, but my reserve of patience and understanding taps out when I’m not rested, when I don’t exercise, or when I don’t make time to do things I enjoy.  I show up as a much more loving and enthusiastic mother when my own reserve is full.  

And I suspect that’s true for pretty much all humans.  It’s hard to be the professional, partner, friend, or family member that you want to be when you feel like you’ve got nothing left.

So you accept that premise as true, it follows that taking care of others actually requires you to take care of yourself first.  The proverbial oxygen mask that you must put on yourself first if you want to be able to help your kids with their oxygen masks.

Do It For Them

If you don’t currently believe that you’re worthy of this, or deserve this, then you can work on believing that over time.  

But in the meantime, let go of trying to do it for yourself and start doing it for them. Do it for your kids, so that they can see a mother who is flourishing.  Do it for your partner or parents or friends or clients.  But above all, do it.  

You were not born to live a depleted life.  Let the world see you at your best because that’s how you can give the world the best that’s in you.   

Have a beautiful week.



P.S.  If this is something you struggle with, I can help you.  Schedule a free one-hour call with me and I will help you with your specific situation. 

The Best Kind of Self-Care

What Self-Care Really Means

When we think of self-care, we often conjure up images of luxurious, nice-to-have experiences, such as getting massages and pedicures, taking bubble baths, or going shopping.  It’s wonderful to do things that we enjoy and take care of ourselves and we should do these things.

But often, the underlying reason for doing these things is to get away from the negative feelings that we’ve been having on a regular basis, such as stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. The reason these things feel great in the moment is that they give our brains a temporary hit of dopamine (a feel-good neurotransmitter), which provides relief from the cortisol and other stress hormones caused by stress, anxiety, and overwhelm.  

What’s Your Reason for Self-Care? 

If your reason for spending time on self-care is that you want to be good to yourself, make your health and wellbeing a top priority, and give yourself time to rest, that’s an excellent reason!  The thoughts driving your action are clearly serving you and it makes sense to continue doing what you’re doing.  

If, on the other hand, your reason for doing them is to escape negative feelings in your everyday life, you’re going to find that the effects of your self-care are extremely short-lived, because they are not getting to the root cause of the problem.  If this is what is motivating you to engage in self-care, I’d like to suggest that there’s a better way.  

The Best Type of Self-Care

To get to the root of the problem you’ve got to practice what I believe to be the most powerful form of self-care you can do: to manage your mind.  This might not sound as relaxing or fun as getting a pedicure and reading a magazine, but the effect that it will have in your life is immeasurable. 

That’s because your thoughts are the one factor that determine how you feel, what you do, and what results you get.  They are also the one thing (of all of those things) that are the easiest to manage.  

The most important self-care action you can take is to spend five or ten minutes a day looking at your thoughts.  There are six simple steps:

  1. Write down what’s bothering you.
  2. Separate out the facts from the thoughts.  
  3. Pick one thought that is bothering you the most and notice how you feel when you think that thought.  
  4. Ask yourself: How do I want to feel about these facts or circumstances?  Write down the one-word emotion you want to have.
  5. What would you need to think in order to feel that way?  If you don’t believe that thought today, find a thought you can believe today.
  6. Finally, practice that new thought.  Say it out loud, write it down.  Direct your mind to that thought when it goes back to the old negative thoughts.  Notice how you feel. Notice that that thought is available to you 24/7.  

Super simple, portable, and quick. You can use it to unwind yourself from a tizzy or heal a past regret. You can use it to calm down when you’re stressed or overwhelmed. Yes, it requires some effort.  But it’s totally worth it.  

If you practice this daily, you may still want to go shopping or get a pedicure, but you won’t be doing it to escape anything.  You’ll be doing it for all the right reasons.

Have a beautiful week.



How To Get The Most Of Your Summer Vacation

It’s that time of year that we all love: summer, otherwise known as vacation season. Often we spend hours upon hours searching for just the right hotels, planning our itineraries, buying things we’ll need for the trip, packing and getting everything “just right” for the big trip.  We plan every last detail of the trip in excited anticipation for how great it’s going to be.

Vacations are opportunities to create lasting memories, when we can let go of our busy lives and to-do lists and just let ourselves relax. But if you’re not happy about the life you’ll return to after your vacation, the second half of your vacation is just not going to be as fun.

Most people put more time, money, and energy into planning their vacations than they do in planning their lives, which can make for a rough return to reality after the vacation glow wears off.

To avoid this, I’d like to suggest that you invest at least as much in designing and planning your everyday life as you do in planning your vacation.  

  • What would your workweek look like if you spent some time each week deliberately planning and thinking about what you want to accomplish and how to do that?  
  • What would your days look like if you spent 15 minutes each day examining your own thoughts about your current circumstances and deciding how you want to think, feel, and act in those circumstances?  
  • What would your life look like if you sat down with someone else and spent an hour intensely focusing on what results you want and how to get there? 

I can tell you from my own experience that I’ve been able to 10x my results by doing these things.  

  • When I take the time to plan my weeks, my weeks go better.  
  • When I intentionally look at what results I want to create each day and what feelings are keeping me from accomplishing those results, I get much better results.  
  • And when I sit down with another person to really examine what’s not working, I have powerful breakthroughs that allow me to move past my limiting beliefs and create better results.   

We’re not taught to invest in ourselves. We’re taught to invest in our vacations, which can act like a band-aid if the rest of your life isn’t working. But vacations don’t really fix anything. They’re not supposed to. That’s not their job.

The way to fix something that isn’t working is by “looking under the hood” of your own mind, getting to the root of the problem, and learning how to get your brain to work for you, rather than against you.

Before you go on vacation this summer, ask yourself this: What do I want my life to look like when I get back from my vacation? 

  • Do I want my house to be more organized?  
  • Do I want to have a plan for the basics, like meals and laundry, so that I don’t miss a beat when we get back?  
  • Do I want to have systems in place to help me manage my to-do lists, avoid overwhelm, and take care of my own health?  
  • Do I want to have a job that I love returning to, without stress or guilt? 
  • Do I want to return to a life that is in alignment with what really matters most to me?

All of this is available to you, but you have to deliberately plan for it by investing in yourself.  

Think about what you want for your life and ask yourself what’s getting in the way and what you can do about it.

Often, it’s just simply to change the thought “I don’t have enough time” to the thought “I can figure out how to make time for what’s important to me.”

Whatever your circumstance may be, it’s always possible to find a solution if you’re willing to open yourself up to that possibility. “I don’t know how” can become “I’m going to figure out how.”

Just like you found the time to design and plan the vacation, you can find time to design and plan your life.  When you do that, you’ll be thrilled at the life you return to after your vacation. And knowing that you’re returning to a life you love will make your vacation that much sweeter. 

Have a beautiful week.



How To Know When To Make A Change

People often put off their own goals because it never seems like the right time.  And it’s understandable.  I spent a significant amount of time trying to figure out when to make a change in my career, but it never felt like the right time.  Even before I had kids, life felt too busy.  After I had kids, it felt impossibly hectic.  It was never the right time.  

But I eventually reached a decision point, in which I realized that if I didn’t make a significant change, I was going to end up at a dead end.  It was not a good or convenient time to make that decision.  It didn’t feel like the right time at all.  We were overwhelmed with juggling two kids who were both in diapers, my husband was traveling a lot for his job, and I was preparing for a major trial in my own job.  

And yet, in the midst of all of that, I committed to making a change.  I started by working with a coach to clarify what I wanted.  Approaching my situation with a different mindset allowed me to get unstuck and we created a strategy so that I could begin to work towards my goal.  

That strategy would take almost two years to fully implement, but with a clear goal in mind, I started by taking small, consistent steps that led me to achieve it.  

Small Steps Forward Are The Key To Change

Since I had precious little free time, I started with the smallest possible steps. I knew I wanted to help people figure out what to do with their lives, so I began reading and listening to personal development books on my daily commute and while running errands.  

Then, I began researching coach training programs and found one that was compatible with my schedule.  I began coaching a few clients for free and confirmed that I did indeed love coaching and my clients told me that I was “a natural.” This allowed me to test out my idea and continue to pursue it with even greater certainty.

I continued learning everything I could about coaching in my spare time and then I found a coaching method that ended up changing my life.  I got certified in that method and took on more clients to perfect my skills.

Beginning The Journey Will Transform You Into The Person You Want To Be

What I did not expect when I started out on this journey was that taking action to change my career would end up benefitting every area of my life, long before I reached my ultimate goal.

I begin applying the coaching tools that I was learning to my own life and started getting amazing results. My health and relationships improved.  The way I showed up at work improved.  I started becoming more confident and asking for feedback at work so that I could improve even more.  

I became much more conscious of how I spent my time and learned how to be more productive and efficient at juggling demands both at work and in my personal life. Although I previously thought that I didn’t have time for anything, I learned how to manage my thinking around my time and ended up finding that I had more time than I ever realized. I even started learning to play the guitar, for just 15 minutes a day.

Above all, I started asking myself: “Am I taking full ownership of every area of my life?”  The answer was clearly “no” so I began to change that. When you start taking ownership, you begin to really understand the power you have to change things and to take control of your life and your career. 

Over that two-year period, those small steps that I began to take changed my life completely and everything got so much better, even though my circumstances hadn’t yet changed at all. I was still at the same job and had the same demands.  Yet, I was happier and more energized than ever before.

The Trap Of Waiting

Had I waited for the “right” time, I would probably still be in the same place.  I wish I would have realized earlier that there is never going be a “right” time to go after what you want and that I had the power to decide that the present moment was the right time all along.  I would have gotten to where I wanted to be a lot sooner.

In her book The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying, palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware says that the thing people regret most is not taking action and going after what they really wanted.  They waited until the right time, which never came, and their dreams remained unfulfilled. She writes “it is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

You Can Make Today “The” Day

You have time now, but time is finite.  What are you going to do with it?  

Is there something that you want that you’re putting off until the “right” time?   

What if the right time were right now?  

What if you could begin to take small, incremental changes to move in the direction you want?  

All it takes is one decision, which you can make today.  

Decide that you’re going to go after what you want.  Commit to taking action, even if it just means taking small steps.  And then begin.  

I can’t wait to see where you go.  



P.S. If you need some help figuring out how to begin taking action in your specific situation, I can help you create a plan. Change can actually be simple when you have a solid strategy in place.

How To Choose Your Reaction

As much as we wish that people would always be kind, polite, and act in alignment with our own morals and values, the truth is that they don’t.  

Sometimes bosses or co-workers say things that we consider to be rude.  

Sometimes people cut us off in traffic.  

Sometimes people even lie, cheat, or steal.   

Regardless of the circumstance, when it comes to other people, there is a simple truth that I find helpful to remember:  We can’t control what other people do, but we can always control how we react.  

How Do You Want To Feel About It?  

When somebody does something that you don’t like, you can decide how you want to react by asking yourself: “How do I want to feel about this?” Because our behavior is driven by our emotions, determining how you want to feel is the first step to choosing your own reaction.  

We’re conditioned to believe that our reactions are automatic or involuntary.  For example, we often learn in childhood that reacting out of anger “just happens” because that’s how anger was modeled to us by the people around us. 

In reality, fully-functioning, mentally-healthy adults are in complete control of their behaviors and reactions at all times, even if it doesn’t feel that way.  If you slow down and notice how the emotion feels in your body, you can learn to allow the emotion you feel before reacting to it. Learning to expand the space between the stimulus and your response to it is one of the most powerful skills you can learn because it gives you complete freedom in choosing how you want to feel and thus how you will react.  

Consider The Actual Effects  

What are the actual effects of your own feelings and reactions?  Are they serving you?  For example, if a co-worker says something that you find offensive at work, consider what purpose it would serve if you choose to feel offended by that.  

If you plan to take some productive action in response to something that you find truly offensive, then the feeling of being offended might be useful to you.  For example, if the co-worker’s comment was truly egregious and inappropriate, you might want to let the person know that you find it inappropriate or even report it to HR if that’s warranted. In that case, the feeling of being offended serves the purpose calling someone out and possibly deterring similar behavior in the future.    

But if you are choosing to feel offended and then simply fume about it for the next few hours without saying anything directly to him or taking any further action, what is the actual benefit of your feeling offended?  You get to have the satisfaction of feeling righteously indignant but you are the only one who is really affected by it and it is likely to make you less productive while you’re fuming about it.  

If there is no real benefit to feeling offended, you can just decide to stop feeling that way.  For example, say someone cuts you off in traffic. How do you want to feel about it? If getting angry serves you no real purpose, you can just decide to feel neutral or curious about it instead.  

The way to do that is by choosing thoughts that would allow you to feel neutral or curious.  Thoughts like “he must be in a big hurry” or “I wonder if he has some sort of emergency, like a sick child he’s rushing to the hospital.” It might be true, it might not. It doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that someone else’s behavior no longer has the power to derail your day.  You have the power to choose how to feel and respond, which feels amazing.  

But What If You Really Want To Feel Negative Emotion?  

There will be times when you really want to feel a negative emotion about what someone else does.  Even in those times, you still get to choose how to respond.

For example, say you discover that your boss is embezzling money from your company.  You probably would want to feel uncomfortable, disgusted, or angry in that situation because it’s against your own morals, values, and integrity, (not to mention illegal). In that case, those negative emotions will drive you to do something about it. To stand up and speak out, whistleblowers are driven by emotions like discomfort, anger, and disgust, as well as courage.  

But just because you want to be uncomfortable with that behavior doesn’t mean that your emotions about it need to consume you or overtake your life.  If you find yourself ruminating about someone else’s behavior after you’ve taken action, it might be time to choose a more neutral feeling, such as acceptance, curiosity, or even compassion.  

What would you need to think and believe to cultivate those feelings?  

In the case of the embezzling boss, you might decide to think “He must really be suffering to do something like.  I wonder what feelings he has that would drive him to do such a thing.”  

When you look at it like that, you can see that he is probably living in a place of deep scarcity, lack, fear, and insecurity.  People who are happy, fulfilled, and abundant don’t embezzle money from their employers, so that action must have been driven by deeply negative emotions.  So thinking “he is a human who is experiencing deeply negative emotions” helps you see that his emotions are what is driving the behavior. As a fellow human, you might even be able to relate to having negative emotions that drive behavior you don’t always like. That allows you to cultivate a sense of compassion for him, without condoning his behavior. 

In my own life, I’ve found that choosing acceptance, curiosity, and compassion rather than indignation and anger feels better.  100% of the time.  And I also like my reactions when I choose these emotions, too.  I’m more patient and forgiving.  I spend more time focused on my own circle of influence rather than on what I cannot control.  Try it for yourself and see how it feels.  

Have a beautiful week.



What To Do If You Dread Mondays

Mondays are a great litmus test to determine if something is not working in your life and career. 

If it’s Sunday evening and you think about the week ahead and feel energized, that’s a good indicator that you’re thriving.  

But if you think about Monday and feel dread, overwhelm, or a pit in your stomach, consider that to be like an engine indicator light on your car. It’s a warning sign that something needs your attention.  

Just as like hunger or thirst indicate when our bodies need food and water, persistent dread and overwhelm are internal signals that something needs to change.   

If this is where you find yourself, here’s what to do. 

Get To The Source Of The Problem 

The first step is to begin an inquiry to figure out the real source of your distress. 

To do that, follow the feeling: Is it the actual work that you dread or just the feeling of overwhelm from the number of tasks on your plate?  Keep digging deeper at each level, always looking to be as specific as possible.  

If it’s the work itself, ask yourself what is causing the feeling of dread.  Is it interacting with your boss or a particular co-worker?  Is it that you find the work boring and uninspiring?  Is it the work environment that you dislike? 

If it’s the feeling of overwhelm that’s bothering you, figure out the exact issue: do you feel like there’s not enough time to take care of work and household tasks? Or is it because you don’t have a plan for the week?  

With every answer, continue to go deeper, as if peeling off the layers of an onion, until you finally get to the primary source of your pain. (If it’s all of the above, then focus on identifying the issue that you most dread, or that feels the most painful.)  

The Magic Question 

Once you identify the real source of your dread, write down your thoughts about the problem.  For example, if you dread your work because you hate the work, you might write down “this work is mind-numbing.”  If you feel overwhelmed and stressed about time, you might write down “I don’t have time to do everything.”

I want to offer that these optional thoughts are creating more dread and pain for you than the actual circumstances. And they are also not serving you because they’re not really helping you solve the problem and can actually be counter-productive. If you look closely, you’ll probably find that you spend a lot of extra time dwelling on the negative thoughts, rather than just getting on with the work and finishing it.

Also, as true as these thoughts feel, notice how they don’t actually help you to solve the problem. If you had already solved it with those thoughts, you wouldn’t be reading this article!   

The good news is that you can, in fact, choose different thoughts about your circumstances, which will create different feelings, which will allow you to show up differently and create different results.  

It all starts with a magic question:  How do you want to feel about it? As in, how do you want to feel about your job?  Or your to-do list?

The question presupposes that you have a choice about how you feel because you do.  It creates space in your brain to consider the possibility of another option that will allow you to feel better about your current circumstances right away. (That’s why I consider it to be magical!)

Maybe you truly do find the work you do to be boring, but you want to feel content (as opposed to miserable) in your current job while also looking for a new one.  Or maybe you just want to feel grateful that you have a job that pays the bills right now while you strategize your next move. Looking at your busy schedule, maybe you just want to feel calm about it all. These feelings are available to you now.   

Once you identify how you want to feel, ask yourself this: What thought do I need to think and believe in order to feel that way?

Brainstorm thoughts until you find a few that feel better than what you’re currently thinking. Perhaps the thought “there is enough time to do the things that are important” creates a feeling of calm for you.  Every person is different, so you need to find a thought that works for you and that you can believe now.  


Creating new thought patterns and new neural pathways takes time and practice. You might not be accustomed to practicing your thoughts, but choosing thoughts that serve you on purpose is a skill that you can learn like any other.

Once you find your new thought, deliberately practice it several times a day by reading it and saying it to yourself.  Put it at your workspace or on your phone as a reminder. Have it on hand to look at when your brain takes you back to the old thought patterns, as it inevitably will.

Each time you do this, you will notice an instant shift in your feelings. When you feel better, you’ll start taking productive action. And when you do that, you’ll get much better results. It seems almost too simple, but actually putting it into practice makes all the difference.

What results are you going to create this week?  

Have a beautiful week.  



P.S. I work with clients one-on-one to help them learn how to solve the problem of persistent dread, overwhelm, and lack of fulfillment in their careers and lives.  It all starts with a free call to see if my program and coaching are a good fit for you. Click here to schedule your one-hour call with me.  It’s an hour that could change how you think about Mondays forever.  

Changing Your Life Is Not As Frightening As It May Seem

There is one thing that I see almost every day that holds people back from taking action toward what they want is the fear of making a huge mistake.  We all do this at some point. Our brains tell us that the only way to change is to make a big leap that we might regret. FOREVER.  One HUGE decision, which (if it turns out badly) could lead to our ruin, such as ending up living under a bridge or some other dreadful worst-case scenario.

The interesting thing is that our brains aren’t telling us the truth about what is really required to create the change we want.  Where you are may feel miles apart from where you want to be, but changing your life doesn’t happen in one huge leap.  

It happens in a series of thousands of decisions and steps. And each step of the way, as you gather information and test your hypotheses, you get to reevaluate and decide if you like where you’re going.  If you don’t, then you can pivot and change direction.  

Shine A Light On Your Fear

The way our brains experience fear of the unknown is like a shadow being projected on a wall with a flashlight.  In a dark room, a shadow projected on a wall can look large and frightening, but when you turn the lights on, you can see that it’s actually very small and harmless.  

When we think we have to do something huge to get the change we want, we’re terrified of the shadow projected on the wall.  In the work I do with my clients, we flip the lights on and take a look at what change is actually required and pick the smallest possible step. 

For example, a client who wanted to start a wedding planning business recently told me that she was just too scared to take any action because she would have to quit her job and might fail publicly, which would lead to financial ruin.  Her brain was telling her there’s only one way to start a business: to take a massive, scary leap.  That felt entirely too frightening and she wasn’t taking any action whatsoever, so she wasn’t creating the result she wanted.  

When we shined a light about the next step to learning more about starting a wedding planning business, she saw that the changes she would have to make weren’t actually so scary. It could involve keeping her current job and talking to a few people she knows who do this.  She could arrange a few meetings with some wedding venues and vendors where she lives.  She could plan a smaller event for someone she already knows.  

These steps aren’t that hard and they will help her discover if she truly likes planning weddings as much as she thinks she will, without risking her family’s financial security.  

Take The Smallest Possible Next Step

I recently heard Mel Robbins say that the best way to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be is to build a bridge one brick at a time.  I could not agree more.  Action is what will help you get unstuck.  One small step after another.  

Think about a result you want to create.  What is the very smallest next step that you can take toward that result?  Now take that step and break it down into the smallest possible unit of time, such as getting started on something for three minutes. You’ll be amazed at how easy it can be.

Have a beautiful week.



4 Simple Steps To Creating The Change You Want

When I practiced law as a litigator, I spent months–and in some cases years–going through evidence to support my clients’ cases at trial. Everybody knows from TV or the movies how this works: the plaintiff or prosecution (depending whether it’s a civil or criminal case) presents its case before the judge or jury and then the defense presents its evidence to contradict or poke holes in the other side’s evidence.

What we don’t usually realize is that each of us has this scenario going on in our own minds every day and throughout our lives, which has a huge impact on how we live our lives and the results we create.

Here’s what I mean. Most of us have an inner prosecutor who is keen to convict us for all of our faults, shortcomings, and mistakes. We also have a much more forgiving defense attorney who is trying to come to our rescue.

Our mind acts like the judge by considering the evidence presented and deciding what it will believe. When the inner prosecutor says things like “I’ll never figure this out” or “I’m such a mess,” the judge tends to believe that and finds evidence that those thoughts are true. (There will always be evidence for those types of thoughts because we’re all human, after all!)

But when your inner defense attorney shows evidence that you actually are capable of figuring things out or reasons why you’re actually doing pretty well, the judge can believe that, too, and can find evidence to support that belief. You’ve figured things out before.

So the question becomes: Are you going to give more weight to the evidence presented by your inner prosecutor or your inner defense counsel? If you’re like most women, you inner prosecutor is far more vocal.

One of the most life-changing things you can do is to start deliberately looking for the evidence to support positive thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your abilities. Here’s how:

  1. Identify a positive thought or belief that you want to believe but can’t yet fully embrace. For example, “I’m capable of finding work that I love” or “I’m capable of thriving in my career and in my personal life.”
  2. Ask yourself this question daily: “What are 3 ways that I’m capable of finding work that I love?” Write down different reasons everyday. Keep asking your brain to come up with new ways that that’s true for you.
  3. Track the evidence. When you watch something, it grows. Start to write down every bit of evidence that you have to support the belief you’re trying to cultivate. I recommend that you buy a small notebook that you carry around with you for this specific purpose. Call it your Belief Book.
  4. After you track the evidence from your past, create new evidence as you go. Ask yourself on a daily basis: “How can I create evidence that I am capable of this?” This question is incredibly motivating and you’ll find yourself starting to take action to support the belief that you’re the kind of person who is capable of finding work you love or thriving in your career and at home. Record the answers to this question in your Belief Book as well, and watch as the evidence grows.

As long as you stay focused on the right set of evidence, your belief and confidence will grow, which will motivate you to continue taking action and creating more results, which provide more evidence.

Putting these four simple steps into practice on a daily basis has been a life changer for me. It’s one of the fastest ways that I know to get unstuck and start taking real action toward the results you want.

What change do you want to create? What evidence do you have to support that you can do it? How can you create additional evidence to support that belief this week?

Have a beautiful week.